Are you being told you are not worthy?

BoundariesAreSelfLoveWhen we talk about worthiness we focus on the person who doesn’t feel worthy, encouraging that person to let go of those feelings, to uncover the core beliefs that are blocking that person from feeling worthy. We try and help people to “feel” love and happiness, to open to the flow of love, but one thing that occurs to me is we don’t very often talk about the fact that people on a regular basis, sometimes daily, are overtly told they are not worthy.

What do you do when you are told so frequently that you are not worthy, either in a subtle, back-handed way, or overtly?

I am not sure I have an answer. I am not sure that I can say that there is a simple method of overcoming the grief and hurt of being treated badly so routinely. What we need to remember is that this is abuse, and people who have been abused, which sadly is a large number of people, become accustomed to the abuse, it becomes the norm.

A sad truth is that many people who are abusive are out of control and often unaware of their abuse pattern. They are frequently disconnected from their body, and from this out of balance place, they lose a sense of what is right and wrong, how to be kind and loving without hurting others. 

The person being abused can seem to be bobbing on water believing the person abusing them; their situation is not grounded and there seems to be nothing to rely on as they work on turning their situation around.

I see people who look like they are making great progress who all of a sudden disappear below the water, and often the ”sinking” doesn’t happen relative to the degree of abuse, but instead the person “sinks” due to the exhaustion of long term abuse. Simply put, it wears you down.

  • I want to say, leave the situation.
  • I want to say, set boundaries to clearly communicate that you won’t tolerate it anymore.
  • I want to say, you don’t deserve it.
  • I want to say, it’s time to find the people who will honor and cherish you.
  • I want to say, move the abuse and negativity out of your energy field – it isn’t yours.
  • I want to say, you can find your footing on your true path, I know you can.
  • I want to say, gather the parts of yourself together, I will help you. You CAN move forward.
  • I want this for all those who have been in this situation. I really do.

Being out of the abusive situation is key to healing and reclaiming a sense of worthiness.

We can’t control the behaviors of others. We can only do what we can do. Abuse makes it hard to think straight, hard to stay in the body, and hard to release the embedded belief that we have done something wrong.

What I will say is that love helps. Love and acceptance of ourselves and our choices. Loving ourselves, and building up the courage to set the daily intention not to allow ourselves to be abused.

I am writing this blog for everyone who has been in abusive situations, but also for those who are witness to others in abusive situations.

Give them space. Space, love and acceptance is what they need, and when the right time comes they will do what they need to do to reclaim themselves and truly feel worthiness.

The Negative Mind: Why does it have so much power over us?

Photo Jan 05, 1 02 02 PMRecently there have been a number of people posting on Facebook about negativity, people experiencing “haters”, and others being subjected to people projecting their negative feelings under the guise of being honest, a trend I don’t support. Seems like many people are taking their fear, rage and frustration out on others and calling it “just being honest”. I am a big believer that we need to own our crap!!! Interestingly, it isn’t always that easy to shift the negative brain into a positive state. It is a neurological reality.

Reading “The Naked Brain” by Richard Restak recently, I was interested to read about how the brain is more biased to negative information, and in research that studies the response of the brain to positive news versus negative news, the brain orients to the negative, and it takes a lot longer for the brain to process negative news. Consequently the brain stays in a negative state longer.

In addition, the negative experiences or emotions tend to trigger a fight, flight and freeze response in the body, an autonomic nervous system response, which the body needs to recover from. Hence we get “stuck” in our negative thinking and negative feelings.

When we are stuck in negative patterns, negative thinking, and emotions that are making us feel bad, we are unlikely to be able to just snap out of this pattern because it is a neurological and physiological response from the body mind. We can’t shift, that is, unless we take some positive action.

What actions can you take?

1. Self Reiki  – Reiki will help to calm and shift the fight and flight response, restoring peace and harmony to the energy system, and helping create that doorway for the “good” feelings to return, and the space to hold onto the good feelings.

2. Meditation – When we meditate we are able to bring presence and awareness to our mental state, and during a mindfulness of breathing meditation, bringing a state of awareness and observation, we are able to see the negative cycle. This can sometimes be disturbing whilst in meditation, and many feel like they are failing in meditation if they can’t stop the mind and it’s negative patterns, but through witnessing our thoughts we are able to get distance from them, and break the cycle. Meditation also shifts the physiology of the fight and flight response.

3. Getting out in nature – During a period of time when I was dealing with a lot of anger, a practitioner I was working with suggested when it became all consuming I should go outside. She said, “Have you ever noticed you can’t stay angry when you are outside in nature?” Some of the best advice I have received!!! I use this tool to shift my mood and negative thinking. Try it! Notice the feeling of being outside. As we let these good feelings they register neurological. It may not happen straight away, but as we walk, move our body, listen to the waves, feel the wind on our face, we create an opportunity to embrace and feel.

Use your sensory system to seek out positive sensory experiences to shift your habitually negative mind and emotions, and replace it with good feelings. Make a habit of it, a habit of doing things that make you feel good. This simple advice works.

Visceral Wisdom Expands Our Consciousness

carnelianI am curious about wisdom from a body-connected perspective. Do you notice when you feel in the flow, when you feel true wisdom flowing through you, that there is a “feeling” of flow in the body?

When we are truly in the flow sharing information that has a universal meaning, which is to say, it feels applicable to all of us as human beings, we can feel the sensation in the body.

The sensation for individuals will vary but the common denominator will be that it feels “right” and connected. When we feel connected to our body we are connected to the cosmos and earth energies, and the flow of wisdom or guidance can be heard, received as thoughts, or sensed in a kinesthetic way, a way in which you just know things and you are not sure why you know them.

The flow of wisdom is visceral. It isn’t disconnected and floaty, although many will have had various experiences. When the flow of wisdom is felt in the body the “rightness” of the information is perceived through the subtle sensory system.

Clearing out the energies and emotions that prevent us from being connected to the body helps us receive the wisdom more clearly, and this clarity helps us see what we can do with the information as a part of the consciousness expansion we are all experiencing.

P.S. Had to share this BEAUTIFUL carnelian photograph because it, too, is expanding our consciousness!!! Opportunities abound!

The Hear in Heart

Photo Dec 31, 2 23 35 PMAre you listening to your heart more? Are you listening to the inner whispers? Can you hear the voice, or is there a sense that the inner voice is still hiding? Have you asked that inner part why it is hiding?

Heart writing connects us deeply with this inner world, a world in which we are reconnected with many parts of ourselves that have not been out in the world for a long time. Some parts are not meant to be ‘out in the world’ as such, but others, our deep creative urges, or the seven year old who used to love to write in her diary, or the teenager who yearned to break out of academic purgatory and express herself or himself with big bold creative strokes, desire strongly to be seen, acknowledged and heard..

Sometimes the parts that seem to be very dark, angry or sad parts, will shift dramatically when we, our adult selves, connect with them, honor their feelings, honor their thoughts and ideas, honor their awesomeness!! Approach yourself with wonder and curiosity, compassion and acceptance.

We are complex. We are made up of many parts. When we develop a practice of heart writing we are reunited with many dynamic and powerful parts of ourselves.

Who have you been reunited with? Who, within you, is trying to speak to you? I’d love to hear more.

What Happens When You Speak Your Truth?

abq_oldtown_churches2When you speak your truth you release something that is taking up space within you, something which is being held back, often because of a fear of how it may be received. Is it time for you to let go of the pattern of holding back your truth?

Often we get wrapped up in a web of concern for how people will react if we speak our truth. In releasing your truth, you free yourself of unnecessary baggage. In this way, you let go of your attachment to how another will feel or react.

When we let go of the attachment to another person’s opinion, we release the power it has over us. Because our truth has a potent power, a concentration of authenticity that is yours and only yours.

In allowing yourself to have an opinion and to have a say in how you live your life, you simultaneously release fear and reclaim your power, thus opening an inner door to your truth.

You open the door, you clear away the boxes of fear and guilt and worry, and you let go of opinions. This creates a deeper, inner connection to yourself.

As you enter the flow, the fluid motion of a creative life, you are free to live your life by following you inner instincts rather than being governed by others. You live your life based on your truth.

Mind Control in Heart Writing

abq_deadwildflowers1The Mind Level

The heart space has the capacity to integrate all four levels – mind, body, heart/ emotions and spirit but when we do introspective work often we find that we are clogged up in specific areas, that certain areas can be more of a challenge for us than others. When we are challenged on one level, it throws the balance off in all the levels.

Our mind is a controlling barstard sometimes. (says she in a broad Aussie accent – we love to say the word “barstard”) Often we really just want the mind to shut the f*#% up, but it won’t.

A bit of a control freak, the mind can convince of many things which aren’t true. If we do not challenge the mind, then we get stuck in repetitive patterns.

Heart writing gives us a chance to take pause, step back and ask the mind some questions.

One of the biggest obstacles with the mind is the derisive comments about the heart. According to the mind the heart has nothing to offer to us, is a waste of space, tends to complicate things, is overly emotional and tends to make things messy and out of control.

Many people believe the mind. A lot of attention is paid to the mind.

Whilst all this attention is paid to the mind, the heart can’t be heard. How do we gain access to the inner murmuring of the heart?

How Writing Helps

  • In heart writing we don’t go into combat with the mind. Heart writing is fundamentally about embodying non-judgment, and witnessing our process.
  • Listening to the mind through heart writing, documenting what it has to say, listening to the loud critical and negative voices, we come to understand the mind more and to get more perspective on the mind.
  • Partnering the heart writing practice with meditation we are able to observe our mind, relinquishing judgement and merely being curious about what the mind has to say. This creates some distance less identification as the mind as part of our identity.
  • In the process of witnessing the mind we find we have access to a different voice, the voice of the heart.
  • Through writing, meditation and reflection we come to realize that there are different voices within us.
  • Distinguishing between the voices is a huge step in becoming more integrated, and helps us on the path to creating a peace treaty with the heart and the mind.

When we create more balance in the mind, then the heart, emotions, spirit and body can be more aligned, and with greater equality there is space to become more whole.

Vulnerability and Knee-quivering Fear

abq_drywildflowers1Vulnerability and knee-quivering fear – these are potent places of growth and transformation.

At these emotional intersections there is a choice – move away from the feeling or move toward it.

When we feel vulnerable our body is communicating information to us. We are close to something that is important to us. Vulnerability can be the guidepost to experiences that could expand our energy and connect us more deeply to ourselves.

At this vulnerable intersection our mind panics. What happens when you allow yourself to be in your vulnerability?

Vulnerability Exercise

  1. Take some time to find a comfortable place to sit in meditation.
  2. Allow yourself to move closer to the emotion allowing the emotions to move or grow bigger, staying present noticing the discomfort.
  3. What happens when you let emotions flow? Do they get bigger, or do they dissipate?
  4. Without expectation notice if you see an inner doorway to yourself to help you drop into a deeper level of connection to yourself?

Follow-up Writing

Write about the experience allowing yourself to reflect on how you have dealt with your vulnerability in the past. Have you avoided it, dismissed it, stomped all over it? How would you like to deal with your vulnerability moving forward?

Are you ready to set an intention to be present to your vulnerability?

* Brene Brown has a great book called “Daring Greatly” along with Ted talks and other books. She has researched and talks extensively about vulnerability and the importance of us learning how to be present to our vulnerability.

Sacred Space for Your Dreams

Photo Jan 05, 4 43 35 PMDreaming as a part of manifesting the life you want to live requires you to make space for it.

Are there things you have been dreaming of doing? What happens when you connect deeply within yourself – what is it that you would really love to do? Does it feel dangerous to explore this? Do you have a cascade of negative voices, naysayers, imploring you to stick with your conservative life, warning you away from the dangers of dreaming?

Our dreams and true desires are like small seeds when we first connect to them. They require nurturing, the right environment and ecology to grow, and nourishment. They won’t grow without your attention.

There are many ways to offer your dreams sacred attention. Ways to honor your personal truth, the truth of what you are dreaming.

With this precious dream, you can create space to nurture and grow your desire.

Sacred Space Ideas

  • An altar which can include special objects, crystals, rocks, nature based elements, tarot cards, inspirational quotes.
  • A journal you write in exploring all aspects of what you want. A heart writing practice is a sensitive and gentle way to make space for aspirations
  • A crystal grid to amp up flow of energy. Crystals align you with your higher truth, with many connecting you to higher guidance.
  • A vision board – gives your dreams and aspirations the chance to expand, for the juicy details to be explored. It taps into the part of your creative brain that is full of ideas.

As we dive more deeply into our true desires, there is a natural clearing of emotions and beliefs that block the manifestation of our dreams.

Stay present, and return to creating sacred space for your dreams to grow. Nurture them.

Enhancing Your Intuition and Channeling Ability

Photo Jan 01, 9 48 16 PMWhat helps you gain increased access to channeled information?

I like crystals as a method to balance and calibrate my energy, and certain crystals are very good at helping with getting increased channeled information and psychic impressions. Some that I like: lemurian seed quartz, amethyst, moldavite (very strong, not for faint hearted!), celestite, clear quartz, selenite.

Crystals also help to strengthen and clear your energy field and reinforce your boundaries. I like smokey quartz, jet and tourmaline as crystals to use in combination with higher vibration crystals aiding your channeling abilities, that help to ground you, clear negative energies, and prevent negative energies entering your energy field.

How to use crystals to enhance channeling?

Crystals holds an energy vibration and a consciousness, so when we sit in meditation with them they change and shift our energy.

Take time to meditate and hold a crystal or more than one crystal while you meditate. You may decide to hold one at a time to experience the energy separately.

Allow yourself to be connected to your heart space, body energies, etheric energies around the body, and energetic boundaries. Notice how the crystal changes your energy. Do you feel more grounded? Do you feel clearer? Is it easier to access your intuition and do you get at greater flow of channeled information?

Share in the comments! My favorite thing – gabbing about crystals!

The Art of Self Honesty

58_AlingaSkyUFOA phrase I use a lot in workshops and in sessions is “Can you be honest with yourself? That’s all we are doing is being honest with ourselves.”

It is amazing how hard it is for us to be honest with ourselves about what is working in our lives and what isn’t.

It is the greatest form of self care to acknowledge and listen to ourselves when things are not working for us in our lives.

How to develop the skill of self honesty?

  • Start with journaling about self honesty. In your journaling, ask yourself, “Am I being honest with myself about my life?” Notice the sensations in the body – do you feel opening, a clear feeling in the body, or does your body tighten up? If it tightens, that is a no, and there is more exploration to be done.
  • Journal about the aspects of your life that are not working for you. Let yourself be honest, but don’t feel like you need to make decisions straight away, just let yourself be honest and see things clearly. This can be painful.
  • Sometimes the things that aren’t working for us aren’t always the big things like job, marriage, family, friends. Often there are many small things that aren’t working like the jeans we wear all the time that don’t fit or feel good, or the foods that we are eating, or the way that we automatically say yes to things to please others. Just be honest – is it working for you or does something need to change?

Allow yourself to delve into the world of self honesty, taking mindful steps into your inner world. No need to trample through your inner world. Be gentle, honest, and kind to yourself. Let me know how it goes in the comments!!